Parenting Halloween Tips: 5 Virtues Candy Teaches

Halloween is so much fun for kids and adults alike. As excited as the children are to have so much candy at their disposal, Halloween in your house does not have to be a time of sugar-induced hyper activity. In fact, there are several easy ways to keep children’s glucose levels down and teach them about their virtues at the same time. Instead of letting Halloween become an opportunity for disaster, parents can use Halloween as a teachable moment to help children practice five important virtues of character.
Virtue #1 - Generosity
“The gift which is given without thought of recompense, in the belief that it ought to be made, in a fit place, at an opportune time, and to a deserving person-such a gift is pure” – Bhagavad-Gita 17:20
On the day after Halloween talk to your child about how fortunate they are to have so much candy now. Tell them that not everyone has this much candy and that it would be very kind and generous to share some. Suggest giving five pieces to grandma, grandpa, or a person of your child’s choice. Then have them choose the pieces and put them into a little bag with a ribbon. When you deliver the present acknowledge your child’s action with a statement such as, “Sarah, I saw your generosity today when you gave some of your candy to grandma.”
Virtue #2 - Moderation
“One who lives without looking for pleasure, his senses well controlled, moderate in his food, faithful and strong,…the temper will certainly not overthrow, any more than the wind throws down a rock mountain.” –Dhammapada 8
Teach your child moderation by offering candy to them after their regular meals or along side a healthy snack. Offer them their bowl of candy and allow them to choose one. Then give them a plate with crackers and cheese or apple slices and yogurt. As they enjoy their snacks remind them that you see they practicing moderation by enjoying some candy and some food that is good for their bodies. Even children as young as three will understand the concept of balance. Use statements such as “See, we can have a little bit of candy and a little bit of crackers. We are being moderate.”
Virtue # 4 -Thankfulness and Gratitude
“What is to come is better for you than what has gone before: For your Lord will certainly give you, and you will be content…Keep recounting the favours of your Lord.” – Al-Qur’an 93
Halloween is a great opportunity to teach children the virtue of gratitude. Before going trick-or-treating remind them to say thank you to all the adults that are sharing their candy. Help the child to see that this is a gift and to be grateful for the generosity of their neighbours.

Virtue #4 – Patience
“How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young? ~Paul Sweeney
Use candy to teach patience by following the boundary you set with your child regarding how many pieces of candy they can have daily and when they can have it. Tell them in the morning, “Today, Chris, you can have three pieces of candy. One with you snack, and one after dinner and lunch.” If they protest, remind them that too much candy is not good for their teeth or their tummies. If they ask for candy throughout the day remind of the boundary you set and ask them to use their patience as they wait for the right time. After their lunch when it is time to have the candy, acknowledge your child by saying, “Jordan, I noticed you were patient all morning waiting for the right time for your candy. Thank you.”
Virtue #5 - Self-Discipline
“Discipline, to be sure, is never pleasant; at times it seems painful, but afterward those who have been trained by it reap the harvest of a peaceful and upright life.” – Hebrews 12:11
Before dinner, acknowledge your child’s self-discipline in waiting for the right time to have their candy that day. You can let the child pick a candy of their choice and then either let them hold on to it or keep it in their reach until they have finished their meal. Use affirming statements such as, “Susan, I saw you practice self-discipline today when you waited until after dinner to have your candy.” You’ll be surprised at how well a child can do with this exercise. (Tip: Make sure you give the child the treat at the time you said you would.)
Once a year we tell children it is okay to talk to and take candy from strangers. By practicing these five virtues --Generosity, Gratitude, Moderation, Patience and Self-Discipline – at Halloween it shows children that they can be mindful at any occasion. The added perk of using these tips is that it means there will be more candy left over for Mom and Dad to enjoy. And that is not a bad thing, is it?

Behaviour Management Tips from the Virtues Project

Behavior Management Tips: Using The Virtues Project™ to Bring out the Best in Your Children

Founded by Linda Kavelin Popov in 1997, The Virtues Project™ has caught the attention of daycare providers, teachers, organizations and workplaces around the world. Popov was a guest on Oprah, who said that this book could be the parenting guide that parents have been looking for. The Virtues Project™ has been embraced by countless parents who aim to bring out the best in themselves and their children.

Virtues are different from values. A value is something held in high regard and can vary from family to family, country to country. A virtue is a universal quality of character that exists in all human beings. To illustrate the difference consider this story: For North American and Japanese soldiers service is highly valued. When a North American soldier has been prisoner of war, he holds in high regard the value of enduring his imprisonment and shows great courage in withstanding the treatment from his captors. For Japanese soldiers, on the other hand, when a soldier is taken as a prisoner of war, he holds in high regard the values of his country which express that it is better to be dead than to be held captive by an enemy. Therefore, a Japanese soldier will exercise his courage to take his own life rather than remain imprisoned. The values are different but the underlying virtue of courage is the same. This is the way virtues are universal and why they are different from values.
The following list names the five strategies in The Virtues Project that parents can use to see the virtues their child easily demonstrates and to encourage those the child struggles with to be more developed.
Recognize Teachable Moments
A Tlingit elder said, “Life is for learning our lessons.” Recognizing teachable moments is a way to notice the opportunities for growing and learning that are found in our experiences everyday. In regards to raising children, Popov writes that “a teachable moment is one which calls for a virtue.” When an opportunity occurs in which a parent can acknowledge a virtue the child is practicing or exhibiting.
Speak the Language of the Virtues
Language has a power to empower or discourage. Instead of using labels for children such as a “good kid” or a “problem child” the daycare provider can use the language of the virtues to remind the child about the virtue that they have forgotten. In this way a child will come to view themselves in light of the qualities of character they poses. From Popov’s book the example is given that a child in this environment may be found saying something such as, “Today I had trouble with patience, but I was helpful when I set the table.”
Set Clear Boundaries
Many parents struggle with the question “How do I raise my children with authority without damaging their self-esteem?” In fear of doing it wrong but not sure how to do it right, many parents have become ambivalent. Setting clear boundaries is a way to become an educative parent rather than permissive, dominant or wavering between the two. An educative parenting style is based on the idea that the authority of a parent is in the service of a child’s learning. Popov writes that “The goal of effective parental authority is to enable children to develop their own inner authority, a sense of personal responsibility, and an ability to make conscious moral choices.”

Honour the Spirit
A parent honors their children’s spirit when they give their children the freedom to explore their talents and abilities. Letting a child stand beside you on a stool is a great way to guide them to develop their own skills. Acknowledging their efforts by saying, “Ann, I noticed your determination today when you were learning to crack an egg. It wasn’t easy at first, but you didn’t give up and you succeeded.” Other ways to honour the spirit can include honoring family members daily when sharing and listening to each other’s stories of the day. Some families include prayer or meditation in their day as a way to express their thanksgiving and the blessings in their lives.
Offer the Art of Spiritual Companioning
“Counseling is a big part of a parent’s job description,” writes Popov, “the best way to serve as a child’s spiritual companion is to be present to the child, especially when strong feelings come.” She says it best in her own words. Whatever the child is feeling, “it always helps to have a parent there as a respectful, loving genuinely present witness… True comfort comes with simple acknowledgment statements such as “Ooh, that really hurt,” “That was a nasty fall,” or “Your knee really got banged,” instead of deflections or rescues such as “We’ll put ice on it and then it will be all better, or minimizing “Don’t cry. It’s just a little scrape.” Get the ice, but as you do so, you can honour the truth of their experience.”
Which strategy is the most appealing for you at this moment?
What steps can you take today to put this strategy into place?
What can you do today to acknowledge a virtue you see in your child?